Dating Advice: How Do I Make My Dad See That My Boyfriend Is a Good Guy?
Earlier this week, a Smitten reader reached out to us for some dating advice. Her father isn’t too keen on her new beau and she’s not sure what to do. I think we can help her out, don’t you?
Here’s our girl’s email:
My question is how do I get my dad to see my boyfriend is good? My dad doesn’t seem to like my new boyfriend, and this really concerns my boyfriend. How do I get my dad to see that my boyfriend is good enough for me? I already know that he is good enough and we are happy. Just having this one more thing would make things great.
And here’s what I think:
Thanks for reaching out! It’s not uncommon for some fathers to be sort of prickly to their daughters’ boyfriends, especially in the early stages of the relationship. More often than not, the dads simply want the best for their daughters; the tough guy act might serve to test the new beau’s mettle. And it’s not just dads that feel this way; mothers, siblings, aunts and uncles, even friends can cautious about new relationships.
Getting your dad to warm up to your boyfriend sounds like it’s going to take some time. Of course you adore him, but I’m guessing your father hasn’t spent as much time with him as you. The expression “seeing is believing” comes to my mind in this situation; even if your guy helps the elderly cross the street and volunteers at several charity organizations, it’s not going to make much difference unless your dad actually sees these do-gooder acts in person.
Think about the “good” qualities you love about your boyfriend. Does he spend a lot of time with his family? Maybe he works in a soup kitchen on the weekends. Whatever his best qualities are, share them with your dad, and if possible, invite him to tag along with you to see your guy in the act. If your guy does something like teach kids how to play musical instruments, invite your dad to a recital. If that’s not possible, talk up your boyfriend’s good qualities. You could say something like “Jeff is such a good guy; he’s helping his parents install their new roof.” Or, “Jeff and I aren’t hanging out until later; his cousin broke her leg so he’s driving her to her doctor’s appointment and then taking her grocery shopping.” Of course these are just examples and you shouldn’t use them exactly—unless they’re true. Also, be sure to share the thoughtful things your boyfriend does for you with your dad.
Lastly, does your dad have anything in common with your boyfriend? Do they both have similar hobbies or root for the same sports team? Maybe they both enter the chili cook-off at the county fair every year? You know both of them pretty well, so try to find some common ground they can chat about. And while a shared love for The Steelers doesn’t mean they’ll be BFFs, it will give them something to start a conversation with. And this can lead to deeper discussions where they can get to know each other better.
Do you have any additional advice for our reader? Have you ever had to deal with a similar situation? Are you nervous when introducing a new boyfriend to your family? __
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