The 6 Biggest Relationship Mistakes You’ll Ever Make, According To a Guy
There are some questions about men that only a guy can answer. We asked the dudes at guyspeak.com (read more about them here), for their take on dating:
These are the six biggest mistakes women make in relationships, purely from a guy’s perspective. They are in no particular order, except for the last one. That is most definitely the biggest mistake you can ever make.
Expecting the Worst
He does X, is he cheating? He does Y, is he gay? He does Z, is he leaving me? Same three questions, every day without fail, sometimes (usually) multiple times on the same day. Very rarely is the answer yes. It is more usually “Grow up and stop being so pathetic,” which, while fun for me to answer, is not terribly flattering to the questioner or readers.
Let’s take one case as an example.
You go out with friends for a night on the town and don’t phone him during the evening. Maybe you have no signal. Maybe your cell battery is dying. Maybe you expect him to phone you at some stage. Maybe you are simply having too much fun letting off steam. Hell, maybe the club is simply too noisy for you to hear your phone! Yet when he gets really upset that you didn’t call, you get offended. Start feeling that he doesn’t trust you and is trying to stifle you.
Trust works both ways. If he cannot trust you, he should not be with you. If you don’t trust him, then why are you still with him? Get me? Of course, people do change…
Closing your Mind
One of the saddest types of questions we get are from people who refuse to move on. Ones who have an ideal time and ideal situation and desperately want to keep that at all costs, who ask where the thrill and the joy has gone, not demandingly, but sadly, almost hopelessly.
People do not stop growing at the magic age of 21. Every experience you have changes you in a small way, meaning the joy of a relationship has to be relearned each and every single day. It is hard work. Far easier to nostalgically hark back to the perfect time, instead of accepting that both you and your partner have changed. Sometimes, yes, you have grown apart. That happens. But more usually, it is that he no longer matches the mental image you have of him. One day you wake to find a total stranger in your bed and it freaks you right out. The other side of keeping your mind open is, of course…
Closing Your Eyes
No, I don’t mean during sex, that simply helps the fantasies and the feeling it. I mean during warning signs. One of the constant problems we get here is the inconsiderate, or distant, or cheating, or downright abusive partner.
Now that happens more than it should, and I am in favor of mandatory and severe beatings of the guys in question, but a lot of the time the gal involved should have noticed the warning signs and got the hell out before this happened.
Instead, they get all hopeful and dewy eyed that love will find a way and forget that rule one for every person on the planet is keep a whole skin or die trying. You all know me well enough to know that I put the blame for this crap firmly where it belongs, but please, seriously, just pay attention to what is going on! Which brings us on to…
Being Too Dependent
This is probably the most common mistake, and the dumbest. You are seriously telling me you can’t make the simplest decision or do the simplest task without his guidance? The guy wants to be a partner and lover, not your father!
On that note—we here are not your fathers, either. You don’t need our permission to do the things you ask about. You are adults.
You know guys say they like an independent woman? They actually mean it, or at least the decent ones do. It is not a partnership when one has to constantly carry the other, and any respect he has for you soon disappears if you are showing all the personality and drive of a damp sponge. Of course, sometimes it goes the other way…
You all know the type I am talking about. Treats her boyfriend or husband as a possession at best, a not terribly bright pet at worst. Really got the wrong idea about what makes a strong woman, probably from her mother and plays out the stereotype we see on TV every night.
Your partner is not there to be trained to your immaculate standards, nor to be ridiculed into submission. A relationship is not a war, the victor in the battle of wills you do gets absolutely nothing except the glow of temporary satisfaction before he slips away to bang one of the neighbors. Which brings us finally to…
The biggie. The one that combines the rest.
One of the things that brings me joy in this job is reading the comments. Yes, even the ones telling me to grow up and stop being so nasty, sexist and arrogant are appreciated. Once a week I will check comments from the preceding month—sometimes the questioner has a secondary question, sometimes there are good points raised I want to comment on myself, and sometimes I just indulge my vanity.
There are a lot of smart, compassionate people reading here. Women and men who know exactly who they are and pretty much what they want. Who have been through the mistakes above and have come out stronger and wiser.
Wisdom comes from everywhere, but the best advice comes from someone who has been exactly where you are. There is always someone who has been there before. Listen to them. As in, really, really listen.
Well, that turned out a bit more introspective than I intended. Also took a long time to write. Honesty usually does, rage or fluff is much, much easier.
–Written by Mystery Man for guyspeak.comWhat do you think is the biggest mistake someone can make in a relationship? What advice do you recommend for these problems?
More from guyspeak.com:
5 Things Not To Do If You Catch Your Partner Cheating
The 5 A’s of Relationship Success
How To Kill A Relationship In 3 Easy Steps
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